I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
