Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
