I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
