Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize