I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
