Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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