covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
...so i touched it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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