did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
