last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
