While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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