STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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