how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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