I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
