I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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