well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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