I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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