I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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