So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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