Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he thought i was a dude.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
