i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
