My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
