Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
