drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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