I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize