I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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