Can Purell be used as lube?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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