so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
