I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
