C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
