Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
