Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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