Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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