Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
