So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
