He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
