Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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