cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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