Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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