he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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