The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
