Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
