why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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