Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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