i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize