Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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