Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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