a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
