Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
