fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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