I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
