Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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