i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
