we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont even know how to be here
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
