Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
