I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
