everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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