i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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