you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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