I think I won the penis lottery.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
