At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
