You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize