He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had sex on a roof
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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