I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
NoShamevember. You game?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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