i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
