I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
