i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just found out that she named her cat after me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize