Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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