Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
