ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
