oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
