I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
