he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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