I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
