belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
