I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
