He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
