The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
