So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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