Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize