So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize