my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
