im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just cropdusted the office
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
