If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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