I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
