I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
17 year olds will be the death of me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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