Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
