It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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