My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
