i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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