She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
